150 - An Unsustainable Cop Identity: Jeremy Wade

How does a new cop answer the question of self-identity?  Am I an unstoppable, unfeeling justice machine, unaffected by the death and tragedy around me?  Am I martyr for the cause, doomed to sacrifice everything good in life so that others can be happy without me?  Am I just cog in the machine, utterly replaceable and unimportant?  All of these answers and more are floating around police culture and a new cop needs to figure out if there's a better answer.  Today's guest is Jeremy Wade, an experienced officer from Washington state who has started a new chapter of his life helping first responders answer these questions of identity.

Resources: 

• Jeremy recommends the book Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson
• Jeremy's website is MissionFirstAlliance.com

Music is by National Sweetheart

The Hey Chaplain Podcast Episode 150

Tags:

Police, Academy, Change, Culture, Faith, Hope, Identity, Peer Support, Resilience, Stress, Wellness, Seattle, Tennessee, Washington

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

I I think that cops have terrible self-awareness. We understand the calling, we accept the identity, we accept the sacrifices, the job can begin to change us along the way and impact us along the way in ways that we cannot realize and don't comprehend. And then it starts to affect us in our uh mental health and our physical health and our relationships and uh every aspect of our life, and it gets to a breaking point at some point, and I see it in so many. And I'd love to prevent that and be proactive in that, but there's got to be examples to follow in how to do the job well and how to successfully navigate these careers and persevere through a career.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Welcome to Hey Chaplin. My name is Jared Altic, and I'm a chaplain with the police department. The purpose of the Hey Chaplin Podcast is to bring real-life stories with hard-earned wisdom to the law enforcement community. From the LAPD to Scotland Yard, and sometimes from my hometown of Kansas City, the guests on the Hey Chaplin Podcast are bringing you what you need to know so that you don't have to learn everything the hard way. And as a police chaplain myself, I want you to hear something positive and encouraging. In regard to this podcast, the best thing you can do for Hey Chaplin is to take a moment and tell someone else about it right now. Grab your phone and text a friend and say, Hey, I just heard a great podcast and I want you to listen to an episode. Or two. Or a hundred. We could be flexible on the actual number. But podcasts grow because people share them. Let someone know about Hey Chaplin today. How does a new cop answer the question of self-identity? Am I an unstoppable, unfeeling justice machine, unaffected by the death and tragedy around me? Or am I a martyr for the cause, doomed to sacrifice everything good in life so that others can be happy without me? Or am I just a cog in the machine, utterly replaceable and unimportant? All of these answers and more are floating around police culture, and a new cop needs to figure out if perhaps there's a better answer. Today's guest is Jeremy Wade, an experienced officer from Washington State, who has now started a new chapter of his life helping first responders answer these questions about identity. Here's Jeremy Wade. Hello, Jeremy. How are you today? Really good. Thanks for having me. Well, I'm glad that you're here. So, where did you start law enforcement?

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah, I started working in law enforcement in the Seattle Police Department in 2008. Um, born and raised in that Seattle area. That is where I wanted to work, and uh fortunately got hired there. And um, and I served for 13 years in the Seattle Police Department, uh, about half of that on patrol, and then the other half uh in our training unit, uh, training our brand new officers, uh, and then my last five years as a full-time peer support coordinator, uh, executive director of our chaplains program, uh, started our wellness unit uh all through COVID and the riots and fun times uh in Seattle, uh, before ultimately my family uh and I stepped out uh from the Seattle Police Department in mid-career, obviously at 13 years, and uh we moved to Tennessee uh nearly five years ago, and uh that's where we're at now doing the work of supporting first responders all over the country.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

In the academy and in those first years on the street, an officer builds up this view of who and what the officer is. And I'd like to hear your take on why that may or may not actually be sustainable and actually work out for the officer.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah, I I think that this is uh a fascinating topic um just around identity uh for those serving in law enforcement or really any of the first responder careers. Um and again, me getting hired at 26 years old, had been married for five years, I just had my second child born before I went into the academy. Uh, I was all in. I think that that's just my personality. Uh, I was all in at the academy, I was all in on the job, I was all in on the career. I had a lot thrown at me right at the beginning, which I think many do. You know, you prepare and you don't know when that day is coming, and it could be on your first shift. And my very first shift on FTO was a SWAT call out with a home invasion robbery. And then my second shift on my second rotation of FTO, uh, I located a bank robbery suspect that had just hit his third bank in three days, and it ended in an officer-involved shooting and patrol cars getting rammed. Um, and then a few months into my uh assignment at the East Precinct, uh, which is the precincts that we gave up during the Seattle riots, just a difficult precinct to work. A couple months into my permanent assignment on patrol, uh we had an officer uh who was ambushed and murdered uh just for wearing the uniform. And then four officers south of Seattle and Lakewood uh that were ambushed and murdered in a in a coffee shop, and then another deputy um in Pierce County just south of Seattle. So there were six officers in like three months uh that were shot and killed, ambushed. And so I had a lot in my first year. And I think that it was kind of that gut check. Uh it was that, okay, you know that there's dangers in the job, you know that there's gonna be challenging calls, you know that there's gonna be things that you're gonna face. And are you in or you out? And I think it just gave me a greater resolve uh that this is what God was calling me to, that this is exactly where I was supposed to be and what I wanted to do in my career. And I I was all in. Uh, and then at that time, being uh, you know, still young and newly married and two kids and you know, little kids and all that, I we also had some debt, you know. So as soon as I get off of uh, you know, probation and I'm working as much overtime as I can. Right. You know, so here I am. Um, and I think two years was the mark where I it kind of really came to a head, and it wasn't anything significant, you know, terrible that happened to me, but I just recognized like I'm I'm not uh I'm not the same person. The job is changing me, and I am prioritizing the job over everything else in my life. But I think that the identity that is built up in us uh in law enforcement at the academy, so that we can be successful at the job and we can go home safely at the end of the shift, which is important, uh, but that identity that is built up into us that this is a this is a calling. Not everyone can do this. You know, you have overcome the hiring process, you have gum through the recruiting process, you have done the training, you know, physically, mentally, you can handle this. And it's something that you take on as an identity 24-7. It's not something that you can turn off.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

You are special, you are elite, you are called It's that constant state of this is who I am. This isn't just what I do, this is who I am. And you're constantly thinking about it. You're constantly mentally preparing, you're constantly training, you're constantly going through the what-if scenarios, even on my day off. If this happened, what do I do? You know, so it it it just becomes this identity that I realized a couple years in, you know, as I was, you know, being trained. I mean, you're trained uh to show no weaknesses, you know, to have the answers to everyone's problems, just to be strong, to be capable, to be able to handle anything that you can handle what others can't. And so then you just take it on, and then peer respect in law enforcement is so important. You want to be viewed as capable, that you can handle it, and that you are gonna have my back and I'm gonna have your back. And I don't want to lose peer respect. So now you're elevated to this, you know, position, this calling, this, you know, this identity that you are trying to maintain uh all the time and excel in and improve in and and grow in. And so I I I think it just for me, it looked like uh always thinking about it. It again, it's a fun job. Like, you know, I I want to be at work, I want to do it. Like I can't, I tell my wife, like, I can't believe I'm getting paid to do this. You know, so it's fun, it's exciting. And now I'm working all this overtime, you know, so I'm at work more than I'm at home. I'm even when I'm coming home, I'm not mentally or physically present, you know. I'm trying to recover. The shifts that you're working, your normal routines, your normal friends, your normal life is just all, you know, disrupted. And I think that we just believe that that is part of the cost, part of the sacrifice of serving is this job is gonna change me. And then for many, I think it's almost like too little, too late. It's just like this job has changed them to the point that they don't know where to go from there. This is this is the job. This is why I signed up for. Can you describe a moment early in your career where you felt that? Yeah, I I mean, the moment that it all came to a head for me was again about two years in. I was driving home from work and I don't know exactly what it was, and I just like broke down and I just realized like I'm not the man of God that I want to be. I'm not the husband I want to be, I'm not the father I want to be. This job is changing me. It's I can just feel the weight of the job accumulating from these line of duty deaths, from these critical incidents, from almost burnout already at two years in, because I was just all in. And it just realizing the toll that it was already starting to pay on me. And and again, I I'm so grateful because it didn't come at some great cost to me in my life then, where I can see now so many that get to the point of the accumulation of trauma, you know, the addictions uh, you know, that are developed, the uh families that are walking out the door, the, you know, the guys that are losing their job. And then that is their wake-up call. So if it wasn't that for me, but it was a wake-up call, nonetheless, it's a turning point. And for me personally, a man of faith, like I recommitted my life to the Lord, and I continued to learn what it looked like to pursue God. And it's really fascinating. Again, like you talked to the challenges of uh working in Seattle. Two years in, I had not met another Christian police officer. So here I am a Christian, uh, but I didn't know how to live out my faith at work. And for me, it felt like a split identity. Like I was all in at work, I was all in at the job. I wanted to be the best cop I could be. Uh, and then I would take off the uniform and I would go home and try to be the best husband and father and go to church when I can, but it was like two split identities that it just wasn't, I wasn't able to do it. And right around that same time, I sat uh car to car with another police officer in my squad, the one I looked up to the most, uh, 20 years on the department, former Marine. Uh, and he, as I was talking about kind of these convictions and my faith, and he was telling me, he said, you know, he goes, I don't think that you actually can be a Christian and a cop. And like here I am with no Christian police officers as examples to follow, and doesn't know what I don't even know what it looks like to be a Christian and a cop. And now he says to me, uh that he doesn't think you can be a Christian and a cop. Didn't explain why. Uh he just like the he I think in his mind he's like either moral dilemmas or how do you uh pull the trigger if you're in a you know difficult situation. I personally think that he viewed Christians as weak and not capable of a uh doing the job well.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

So I think that that was you can't be a weak, nice person and be a cop. Yes. And you gotta be tough and mean. And he imagined in his understanding, Christians were only weak and nice.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yes. And unfortunately, like I had that conviction at that time. Like I replied to him, I'm like, I don't know how you can be a cop and not be a Christian and still like have hope, you know, still have hope for what you see and what you deal with, and like be level and not just be, you know, just uh you know, accumulation of the job on you and the toll and the way it changes.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

I look at it, I look at it and think, okay, if you're not a Christian, what outside source of strength do you tap into in order to persevere and to maintain your integrity and to have the strength to keep moving forward after you witness tragedy after tragedy after tragedy? I don't I I agree with your sentiment. I don't I don't understand how you could be a cop and not be a Christian. Yes. I I I think would drive you toward Christianity. But I have a story that I'm interested in your your thoughts on. I had an officer when I first came into the department I serve, I I knew a senior officer and I asked him, I knew he was a Christian. So I asked him what other Christians are in the department. He goes, Ah boy, I I think I'm the only one. And it's a large department. And I'm like, really? Oh, okay, that's a challenge. But then I met another guy that I knew he went to church, and so I asked him, he goes, Yeah, I think I think I'm the only Christian here. And I'm like, no, wait a second. That's twice I've heard that. And then I started looking for it, and I found out that lots of people either who were practicing Christians or they had a Christian background were sure that they were alone or almost alone, and therefore they had to keep it under wraps. Their faith, their personal beliefs, they they felt pressured to fly under the radar because they believed they were the only ones. And I thought, oh my goodness, you don't realize you work with other people who are doing the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

I've heard that from police officers, firefighters, medics all over the country. Obviously, my experience in Seattle, that is what I felt. I wasn't the only Christian, but I hadn't uh had any close encounters uh, you know, in my squad, in my, you know, those that I worked around. Nobody spoke up. Yeah. Nobody spoke up. Uh, and then I even move to the Bible Belt, and I've heard that here in the Bible Belt. So I hear that all over the place. I think that that is a common theme, and I think that there's a lot of factors uh for that. I think whether it's the myths of separation of church and state, whether it's the thought that I can't, you know, talk about my faith, I can't uh, you know, share my faith, I can't, you know, I don't know how to live out my faith. There are HR will punish me. Yeah. There that there aren't the examples to follow of those that are living out their faith well. And then there's these uh misconceptions that it's a weakness. You know, so there's so many layers to it. I I've yes, I've experienced the exact same thing. At one point, I was working a squad uh over the night shift in Seattle, uh, and I was sitting car to car at an officer on my left and an officer on my right, uh, and they'd been working in the same squad together for seven, eight years. And at one point I turned to the officer on my left, and he, in the conversation, pulls out a law enforcement Bible out of his kit on his passenger seat and says that, you know, his father-in-law gave this to him when he first, you know, got hired. He always has it in his kit. He always has it in his car with him. The officer on the other side says, Oh, you have that Bible? I have that exact same Bible in my kit. And then he said, What? You're a Christian? Like they had never talked in seven or eight years working every day together. So, like, again, it's not something that's talked about. It's not something that we have examples to follow. It's not something that we know uh how to do. And yet, that's such an important aspect of so many people's lives that feel like for me, it was a split identity. Like, yeah, okay, I can't, I can't do this, I can't talk about this, I can't be this, I don't know how to at work. And so I'll try to do what I can outside of work, but it's like that was net like that that important aspect of your life can't be separated, you know, from your job and from, you know, from every other aspect of your life. And that's yeah, that's what came to a head for me.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

At the time of recording this, I'm about to go uh speak to a a group of recruits at the academy. They're gonna graduate soon. And we're gonna talk about wellness and and what they can expect as they get into the FTO program and that sort of thing. We will joke with them about how you know they'll be on six months on the street and they'll all grow beards, because that's allowed now. They can grow facial hair, and so they'll all grow beards, even the girls, you know, and and they'll all they'll all be jaded and cynical and calloused and tough and whatever. And and that persona is contagious, they're expected to be this grizzled nothing phases me. This isn't my first dead body kind of persona. And and that is a for for a chaplain who's been around probably thousands of cops by now, that's obviously a coping mechanism to deal with the stress, to deal with the culture, to show that, hey, I am reliable, I'm unflappable, you can always depend on me, whether I feel like I'm dependable or not. I want you to feel like I'm dependable. That whole persona is is it's contagious, and most feel it's absolutely necessary. But what you're saying is that it's not sustainable.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

I agree. I think that it is so easy and so quick for the job to change new officers. It did for me, I saw it for others. I also trained new all the new hired officers in the Seattle Police Department for a couple years, a couple hundred, and coming alongside them, and you see them on day one and how they want to make a difference, and you know, how they're so optimistic. And then you get out there and the job just changes you. Yes, the environment and the culture inside the department and those, you know, that you're around, but then also just the calls, you know, the constant negativity, you know, we we just live in that world of evil and negativity and uh, you know, just challenging circumstances. And it just all pays a toll and it all changes us. And then the last thing that I would say to that too is that we don't have enough solid examples to follow on the other side. As a new officer, the ones that I would look up to as the cop's cop, they were out there on the street, you know, doing great work, making the most arrests. They were the ones that were well respected and working in proactive units and had amazing career goals and were looked up to by their peers. Many of those had the worst personal lives. Yes. Their personal lives were circling the drain. They were like ticking time bombs for how like how long they could sustain it, how long they could handle it. And uh and I think that that's just the the culture that we built up in law enforcement, you know, from day one at the academy to this is the identity. And again, I understand all of the training, uh the tactical training, the equipment that we have, you know, the ability to do the job. I think that we are more well trained and more well prepared than law enforcement has ever been in the history of our country. Yeah. But it's come at the cost of that identity that we have taken that we're taking on that isn't meant to carry the weight, that is a false and misplaced identity and priorities, and it's it's not gonna sustain a career. And it's like, I want new officers to hear that and know that, but I can just put myself back in those shoes. And I heard the warnings. We had uh we had Kevin Go Martin's book, you know, handed to us, and I read that, you know, you know, in the academy. And I felt like all those warnings kind of went in one ear and out the other year, and it's like, okay, that's great, but that's not me.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

I I tell recruits that you know, I want them to compartmentalize their mentors. They are gonna have other cops who can teach them how to find stolen cars, they have other cops who can teach them how to write a great report, they have they have all these different people that that they are going to admire and want to emulate, but be careful. Some of our best high-speed, low drag officers are also you know deeply lonely because they've destroyed all their friendships, they've ruined their home life, they've they've made some serious mistakes. And I said, I want you to emulate how they have you know acquired these great law enforcement skills, but I don't want you to emulate the entire person because there's also a cop out there, he's he's not in your top five as far as being super tactical or something like that, but he's been married for 25 years to one person, and so and so you need to to find out how to write reports from one guy, how to find stolen cars from somebody else, and how to stay in a relationship from yet a different officer. And you need to pick and choose your mentors and who who you draw what lessons from.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

I agree. I I yeah, I agree with that. There's so many layers to the challenges, and uh yes, it's the uh it's the culture inside the departments, it's the leadership, it's the um it's the examples that we have to follow. And yes, I I would encourage anyone that uh you can make a difference, you can make a change, even you just as one officer in a department at one rank. Uh over the thirteen years, I never promoted, but God kept giving me favor and positions and training, uh, in training, the entire department is in service training for wellness and resilience and uh peer support and chat the over the chaplains program and the wellness unit and uh you know working directly uh you know for a deputy chief or assistant chief on the department. And uh I had great opportunity and influence, even just as one to make a difference and to impact and change the culture in a positive way. You can make a difference. You have to be solid in your identity, in who you are, and confident in you are and unwavered in who you are, which is challenging in the culture where peer respect is so important, and what is celebrated and what is uh looked up to as the examples is uh the opposite of you know what's able to sustain the job well. I think one of the times that it really was revealed to me, um I was at a retreat with Matt Dominensik, and we were talking about wellness and what does it look like to live well, and who are those examples to follow? And I think it was there that I really started to realize that those that we're looking up to are not uh setting solid examples and it that it is a culture issue and a challenge for the new officers on the department, you know, for who do they follow? How do we do this? How do we sustain this well? And I think at that same time, like I started to realize that those that serve in law enforcement and first responders are very mission-driven. You know, we want to serve, we want a high calling and a purpose, but the identity that we've taken on is to protect and to serve uh the public, that we are gonna step into those situations that others can't. And I love that military phrase, you know, mission first, people always. But I actually think that that's not possible. If you say the mission comes first, then the people are gonna come at the cost of it, which happens all the time. You hear that from leaders all the time. Say family comes first, family comes first, family comes first, and yet now there's this special event, now we're short staffed, we're you know, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Over time is mandatory, vacations are canceled, and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

So, so then really the mission comes first at the cost of the people to achieve the mission. And and for me, realizing also the mission for the job serving in law enforcement, I had put above my mission and calling to serve Jesus Christ. And for me as a Christian, like you can read all over the Bible where it says, you know, that you're the love, uh, you know, the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul. Like, He is to be number one in your life and everything else secondary. Otherwise, it's all gonna come to a head. It's gonna be at tension, it's gonna be at odds. And that's what I experience, and I think that's what so many others experience is they're trying to do it on their own strength, on their own power, on their own abilities, of which God would never intended. And so that's where I started realizing like I have to live mission first for Christ, and then this is just the job that I do. And that changed completely my perspective.

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Let me ask you a question then. I asked this of everybody that is going to leave law enforcement before they, you know, put in their 25, 30 plus years, whatever it is. If I perceive that they're leaving early, I ask them this question Are you running from something or running to something? When you left Seattle, what was your answer?

SPEAKER_01 25:35

That's a great question. I was absolutely running to something, and I had been running towards that for years. And God had been preparing me for years uh to where um I had already transitioned to training others on the department's new officers, and then training the entire department at all ranks on resilience and wellness, and talking about mindset and talking about stress and talking about trauma and talking about all these things. And I had transitioned to uh my calling was not working the street, although I loved the job working the street. My calling was supporting others in these professions and helping them to survive the career, to thrive in it. Here's one verse that I would go to for me that was a pivotal point is like the John 1010, the thief comes only to uh steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and they may have it abundantly. Law enforcement first responders live in a world consumed by the enemy who is trying to steal, kill, and destroy. You know, on the job, every every call that they face, but even their identity, you know, even that distraction for, oh no, you're strong and you can handle it and you can you can do it all on your own and all on your ability without help from anyone. You know, no, you know, others can't do it, but you can do it. Like, even that is all a lie from the enemy, you know, caught robbing us of true purpose and joy and peace. But that verse goes on to say that they can have life and have life abundantly. Like that is what I want for those that are serving today to realize that they don't have to be changed by the job. They don't have to be consumed by the job, their worldview doesn't have to change, they don't have to become jaded. They can serve in this career at a high calling, which is God ordained in Romans 13, but also have life abundantly and recognize the purpose of what God has called them to.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Yeah, that abundant life is such a good point because a lot of cops are willing to sacrifice their happiness, they're willing to sacrifice their home relationships in order to stop the enemy from coming in to steal and kill and destroy. But that's not entirely necessary. You don't have to lay yourself on that altar and and be destroyed in order to save everybody else. It doesn't have to be a martyr's complex. There is a way to contribute to keeping civilization on its feet and still have a good home life and still maintain a relationship and still still still serve your God. I mean, there's still there's still there is a way to do that.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

I agree completely. I think that we step into these careers and understand that there is a sacrifice, and we may pay the ultimate sacrifice on any day, on any shift. We may be killed in the line of duty, and we've accepted that calling, we've accepted that sacrifice. I also agree that the culture that we believe that we're going to have so many other sacrifices along the way. We're gonna have sacrifice for our personal time, for our personal hobbies, for our personal relationships, for our personal health, even, uh, because of the shifts we work and all this kind of stuff. And and I would frequently speak to that when I was doing resilience and wellness training, you know, for our my department and other departments. And and one of the areas that I would speak to it is sleep. And and and shift work is hard. And my first three and a half years was on a early morning shift that was terrible for me, terrible for my personal life, terrible at all, uh, all the way around. And I was averaging uh four to four and a half hours of sleep a night. And and I just assumed that that was you know part of the sacrifice, that this is what I've signed up for. And so we just like little by little assume those sacrifices and accept those sacrifices, and it and we just take them all on in our career. And I agree with you completely. We don't have to sacrifice our health, we don't have to sacrifice our relationships, we don't have to sacrifice our faith, we don't have to sacrifice all those things, but we also have to learn how to do the jobs and not sacrifice it. And most new officers are not being taught how to do that, they're only being taught how to tactically do the job well and go home safely at the end of a shift.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

So now tell me what you're doing to contribute to that. What's Mission First Alliance?

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Yeah, I'd love to. Mission First Alliance is a national Christian first responder alliance, trying to bring together all of the organizations and resources and chaplains and churches, uh, faith-based support, uh, the Christian first responders and their spouses together that all feel alone together. Like, how can we build community? How can we come together? How can we support each other and encourage each other and collaborate to each other to help others find that abundant life? Like we were talking about in John 10:10. Like, how can we do these careers and these callings well and still have hope at the end of the day? So that's what we're doing now. And this national alliance that's formed uh three and a half years ago uh has already grown to over uh 300 members uh um in 38 states in Canada and Australia and South Africa. About half of those are organizations that are supporting first responders uh with retreats and conferences uh and studies and books and um marriage and uh financial and uh um addiction recovery and counseling and therapy and so many things. Uh, as I was doing peer support, um, I love seeing wellness increasing in our country and trauma support and family support uh and addiction recovery support. I love seeing the support increasing uh for first responders in our country, but I also started realizing that nearly all of it, the vast majority of it, is uh secular-based, not faith-based. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

And that's kind of kind of feels like a three-legged stool that's only got two legs. Yes. You know, uh, there's the you know, the psychological and the physical, and that's fantastic, and there's wonderful work out there being done in those two areas, but it's like, what about the spiritual? Yes, and and I I love hearing people talk about trauma and the physical effects that trauma has on a person, but then they the to me, the elephant in the room is well, why do bad things happen? And they just they just pretend like that's not there. And I feel like that's often missing. And as a chaplain, I'm like, well, you know what? Let me let me uh sit with you for a while and we'll uh we'll sit and contemplate this together.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

But yes, and and when I was doing resilience and wellness training, even psychologists will acknowledge, you know, the mental and the physical and the spiritual you know components and the relational opponents, you know, components and all of the different components, but I think out of fear or lack of knowledge or lack of uh effective spiritual support, it's for the most part just kind of pushed out or pushed to the side uh and not uh a part of the equation at all. I love uh seeing all the organizations that are out there and the good work that they're doing. Uh, but I also realized that even when I was serving the Seattle Police Department, I didn't know that they even existed. Yeah. I struggled to find any of those support. And then as I started talking to these organizations, many of them feel like they're the only ones doing it too. And so now they're trying to do it alone. The last thing I'd say is I'm really excited just about um what God is doing, and that it does feel like there is an open door. And, you know, not only with Chaplaincy, yes, that's a great avenue, but also with some of these other organizations and also with some Christian first responders that are growing in their courage just to live out their faith and point others towards like this is uh the answer. Um, I love that. And one of uh a good friend of mine, California, uh, previously uh served in the Anaheim Fire Department, uh, recently interviewed him on our podcast. Uh he had childhood trauma. He had trauma on the job, he had addictions uh that he had to overcome. Uh he uh had suicide attempts. He was on the front lines uh for uh uh trauma recovery, of which he went through multiple uh uh treatments and programs. Uh he was on the front lines for peer support in his agency. Uh he's on the front lines of learning what it looks like to recover from trauma and addictions and uh, you know, just the darkness that he was consumed by. And even he was just sharing with us, he's like, all of that is good, all of that is helping, but it's still falling short without this spiritual component, without Jesus, without hope in Jesus. And so that's where I'm also excited that we're seeing through Mission for Science, through this community, this growing of organizations and chaplains and churches and first responders is just to again to back to what you were saying, just that they're not alone. I I I think that they need to know that they're not alone and there is hope.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Last question What is your big, hairy, audacious goal with Mission First Alliance? What would you like to if you just had infinite funding and resources and and support and and people to help, what what would you do?

SPEAKER_01 35:23

I believe that there's an opportunity to develop a national Christian peer support network. So a faith-based network of peer support uh team members and chaplains and clinicians uh to be able to provide that faith-based support and point towards Jesus and the hope that can be found there. I'm also excited just to see this alliance grow with more Christian first responders that are bold in their faith and confident in living out their faith on the job day in and day out. And then I'm also excited about seeing more churches see this as a mission field. We've been saying for the last uh couple of years that I think that this is one of the greatest unseen mission fields in our country today. A Google search will say that there's 4.6 million first responders, police fire medics, dispatchers, all the first responders. And then their spouses, their families, on top of that, you're pushing well over 10 million across the country for first responders and their family members, of which most are struggling with the identities, with the traumas, with the job, with the shift work, with the relationships, and how do you balance it all? And without examples to follow, without the spiritual support, and most pastors and churches don't even see it. Most Christians don't see it because again, that identity that we've taken on as first responders, that we look like that we're strong, we look like we've got it all together, we look like we have the answers to everyone's problems, we look like we've got it all together until the moment that we don't, which is what I saw in peer support all the time. We could see the writing on the wall with someone that is facing burnout, that's facing, you know, like you can just see the trajectory of their career is not going in a good direction, but they're not willing to receive it. They're not willing to hear it, they're not willing to do anything different until that moment that they're lying in the hospital bed, their families walking out the door, their badge and guns being taken away, and then they get that wake-up call. Personally, I think that cops have the worst self-awareness because of the identity we take on, because of the sacrifices, because of the challenges of what we face and what we do. We have just relegated that this is who we're called to be and what we're called to do. And we begin to change. And we don't realize the impacts of the job and the way it's changing us or the way it's impacting us and affecting us until we get that major wake-up call, which unfortunately for many is at a great cost. And I would love to not see so many first responders get to that point of burnout uh and breakdown, but still have hope and be able to persevere and have life abundant. And I know where that hope can be found in Jesus, and that's where I'm excited through this alliance to see more spiritual support, more hope in Jesus uh that can be found.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Jeremy Wade, thank you so much for doing what you do. Thank you for your service uh in law enforcement and your service to law enforcement. I appreciate you. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I want to thank Jeremy for being on the show. And when it comes to free resources, I have a friend who always says, if it's free, it's for me. Well, Mission First Alliance is a free resource, and I believe that there's a portion of my audience who is specifically going to be attracted to this kind of place to connect. I asked Jeremy to explain a little further what the alliance was about. What does it mean to be part of that alliance?

SPEAKER_01 38:59

What does that look like exactly? Yeah, great question. Uh with Mission First Alliance, we have free membership into the Alliance. Uh on our website, there's a free membership application, and then all the support that we offer uh is free as well. Uh whether it's our uh annual national networking conference, which we're holding in Chattanooga, Tennessee in September, whether it's our regional leader summit retreats uh that are three-night retreats are free to attend. Uh and we also do monthly virtual gatherings uh twice a month on Zoom, and we're always highlighting a uh leader or an organization and providing space to be able to connect and come together or just one-on-one support and connections. Uh so to join the alliance, it is free. We have a short membership application and a statement of faith, but we're just excited to connect uh organizations, uh active and retired first responders, uh, spouses, chaplains, and even those that just have a heart-to-reach first responders for Christ.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

The views expressed here are the personal views of the host and our guest and do not necessarily represent the views of any law enforcement agency or its components. If you like this episode, please share it with a cop or someone who loves a cop. Thank you for listening to Hey Chaplin. And as always, let's pray for peace in our cities.